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My Great Scot Adventure

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2022 is my 35th year of professional ministry. On the stage of Rice Auditorium at Baker University in June 1987, Bishop Ken Hicks placed his hands on my shoulders and commissioned me as a Deacon (under the former ordination process of the pre-1988 Book of Discipline the United Methodist Church). In 1987, I was 24 years old and had no idea what day to day ministry was like or the emotional and spiritual energy it takes from one’s soul. One of the provisions of our denomination is that pastors are encouraged to take a renewal leave after seven consecutive years of service. I have never taken a renewal leave in my 35 years and after the last two years I knew it was time for me to step back from day to day ministry for a bit. I’m taking eight weeks of leave through May and June, with the approval and support of my Church Council and the Great Plains Cabinet.

So here’s my big news–I’m headed to Scotland and more of the UK for a month from mid-May to mid-June. I have plans to travel throughout Scotland for two weeks, with additional time on the Isle of Iona, a handful of days in Ireland, and finishing up with a mini-tour of John Wesley’s England.

Photo by Gabriela Palai on Pexels.com

I am taking this pilgrimage alone. My husband is staying home this time. His work schedule does not permit a long vacation during the dates of my renewal leave. He has been to Scotland before during his service in the Navy. Yes, I am scared about traveling alone but I am also excited about trying something new and outside of my usual comfort zone. I am grateful for smartphones and the ease of international travel to help me figure out where I am going and how to get there.

My birthday this year has a big number in it and I’m trying to do things that are way outside of my comfort zone. I have never created a bucket list because I find the idea kind of cheesy but there are things I have always wanted to do or to see and Scotland is on that list.

For Lent this year I decided to write more about the things on my mind and heart. So Shelly Speaks Up is the place where I will do my writing for Lent and beyond. Thanks for joining me on the way.

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Shelly Speaks Up

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A new blog title for a new beginning.

I started my previous blog when I was really in the middle of my life and the middle of my professional years. Time has passed and this year I am facing a milestone birthday. So I am renaming my blog and reflecting on life during a different stage of life. So come on along with me as I write, ponder, share pictures of life, and hopefully built a community of hope and goodwill.

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Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise

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Most Sunday’s I arrive early to prepare the church, my mind and my heart to lead worship. I try to make a habit of praying at each doorway that every soul that enters the building will experience the presence of God in some way through worship, fellowship time or a Sunday School class. This morning I had my phone with me as I made my rounds and snapped this picture of the sun coming up on our entryway.
It was a beautiful and crisp morning in Olathe.

We are in the midst of many changes at the church. New colors in the building and new stacked stone walls being erected. Some of the changes are hard to make. Taking down the curtains in the sanctuary was a big change. Moving the cross and frame out of the sanctuary today was bittersweet. Many babies have been baptized and young people have committed their lives to Christ in the shadow of that cross. We’ve celebrated the lives of many saints under that old cross. The changes we have initiated have been a result of a season of discernment for the church. The people of Aldersgate’s desire to grow in numbers, in faith and disciple making. These hopes have required us to adapt, to update and to renovate our outreach into the community.

In spite of all of these changes, one thing is certain—the heart and soul of this church is the people. It is the relationships, friendships and supportive culture we have nurtured from our foundation. These things will not change, just like this beautiful sunrise on a Sunday morning. .

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The Blog I Don’t Want to Write

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dad june 15 2016

Here’s a picture of our last Monday business lunch together from June 2016.    I didn’t know at the time it was the last one.  Father’s Day is this Sunday and that reality has been lurking at the side of my mind all week.  I’m not even that sentimental about Hallmark created events but it does cause me to pause to consider the impact of a father on a daughter’s life.  Last year I bought my Dad three different Father’s Day cards because I kept misplacing my collection.  I never delivered one to him in 2016.  He didn’t seem to mind.  When I told him what I done, he said, “Well, it looks like we are set for the next three years.”  I’m glad I had the kind of Dad that I wanted to send a card to on Father’s Day.  I never needed to send him a card for him to know that he mattered to me.

Now before I get too wrapped up in sentimental cheese cloth I must also say, my Dad was opinionated, bossy, quick tempered and could be quite impatient with me.  Over the years of my youth my Dad and I had a hard time connecting to each other.  I was the free-spirited daughter who read Langston Hughes poetry and copied the poems into my journals.  I was a kid with Attention Deficit issues who could not for the life of me remember to hang up a wet towel, close a cupboard door, or do my math homework in any semblance of order.  My Dad taught me how to number put my math homework on notebook paper in a way which my teacher could read.

I will not offer any moral lessons or try to draw a conclusion from today’s post.  However, I will borrow this phrase from Richard Paul Evans; we all live with the assumption of a tomorrow.  We assume life will go along the way we anticipate and plan.

“The assumption of time is one of humanity’s greatest follies. We tell ourselves that there’s always tomorrow, when we can no more predict tomorrow than we can the weather. Procrastination is the thief of dreams.” (Alan Christoffersen’s Diary) The Walk

One of my resolutions following this almost year of grief is to no longer put off necessary conversations and relationships.  It calls upon me to move beyond my fears and to ask the harder question, new accountability and more truth telling than I am comfortable with on a daily basis.  I’ll be sending out a Father’s Day card to one of my favorite men in the world, my father-in-law.  Don’t tell him though.  He hates mushy stuff.

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A Fruit of the Spirit

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Fruits of the SpiritThere’s the fruit of the Spirit and then there are strawberries.   Today I visited an older member of our church.  She’s a widow and I have not seen her in church lately.  I made an appointment to stop by with hopes of offering a prayer and some encouragement.  She greeted me at the door with a smile, a hug and warm greeting.  We wandered into the kitchen and she invited me to have seat at the worn old table.  The table was set beautifully set with flowers, a green tea pot, a platter of cheese, crackers and some of the most beautiful strawberries I have seen this year.

My friend poured the tea, added the sugar and asked me, “How are you?”  We caught up on church life and on each other’s lives.  I had skipped lunch today because it’s been a busy week.  My friend made up a plate and said, “You need to eat.”  So I ate the wonderful plate of food and enjoyed a quiet cup of tea.  As a good pastor, I asked if I could pray for her.  Four hands clasped together, curved toward each other, offering a benediction on a beautiful afternoon.

As I prepared to move to my next appointment, my friend stood and found an old bread sack.  She scooped up the strawberries and dropped them in the “Farm to Market Bread” bag.  She handed the bag to me and said, “Enjoy these with your dinner tonight.”  .  strawberry bagSometimes God shows up in a bread bag of strawberries and sometimes God shows up as a cup of green tea.  Today God was incarnated through tea, cheese, crackers and the sweetest strawberries of the season.

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Second half of some of things I’ve learned in 54 years of living 

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27. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. None of us are able to do all things perfectly. 28. Read all kinds of books. 

29. Donate your time and money to a cause you believe in. 

30. Go ahead and buy your cute dog the Star Trek costume. It will make you smile on dark days. 

31. Have a number of books you are reading at the same time. You’ll never have an excuse for not reading a book

32. Invest in experiences not stuff. (I’m still working on this one.)

33. Start saving retirement when you start working. Trust me. 

34. Tag people in all your digital pictures. 

35. Write on the back of photos who is in the pictures and where you are at. 

36. Send the sympathy card you bought for a friend a week or two after the funeral. 

37. Go to the funeral. The family will remember. You will get a gut check about what is really important. 

38. Make friends with people older and younger than you. You’ll need all kinds and ages of people in your life. 

39. Pretreat stains immediately. 

40. On your 40th birthday take a ride on the back of a Harley. Seriously, I recommend it highly. 

41. Figure out a way to remember people’s name. It makes a difference in life. 

42. Save old greeting cards. When you go back to look through the cards, you will smile and cry and remember. 

43. Join the marching band. You are a band nerd. You will have fun. You will work hard. You’ll remember the fun. 

44. Go to college and choose “potluck” for your roommate. You will learn lessons which will prepare you for an adventurous life. 

45. Learn how to plunge a toilet, or partner with someone who is willing to do the dirty work. (This also applies to cleaning up vomit.)

46. Don’t read too many self-help books. You know more than you think you do. 

47. Hang around with people who make you laugh. 

48. Listen to your body. 

49. Don’t try to write this kind of a list at 54. It would be much easier at the age of 30. 

50. Get a hobby. You don’t have one yet but you need one. 

51. Stand up for the things you believe in. 

52. Pre plan your funeral. Take some stress off your loved ones. 

53. Find a way to have children in your life. They bring joy, humor and a reminder of the presence of God in the world. 

54. We are only promised today in this life. Make it count. 

55. Marry or partner with  someone who is kind to others. 
What did I miss?  What would you add to the list?

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First half of 54 things I’ve learned in life. 

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My Learnings from 54 years of living. 1. When walking down stairs do not watch your reflections in the window so intently that you forget you are on the stairs. You will fall. 

2. Given the chance to walk or take a ride–walk. 

3. No matter how many purses with key pockets I buy my keys will not be in the key pocket unless I put the keys in the key pocket. 

4. Dogs are the best antidepressant. 

5. Just Buying organizers will not make me organized. 

6. Cheap shoes may be cute but will not be worth it in the long run. 

7. Hanging out with my adult kids is one of the greatest moments in my life. 

8. The right earrings can be quite empowering. 

9. Finding the right tribe of friends will make life SO much better. 

10. Learning to make gravy will take a lifetime of practice. 

11. I will not lose weight to fit into the dress that I bought a size smaller as incentive. 

12. Just buy the dress/outfit which fits right now. 

13. Talk to people who disagree with you. You are not always right. 

14. Being a middle school cheerleader was more fun that you would imagine. 

15. Perception is reality. 

16. Size 9 feet will not fit in size 7 shoes. 

17. Preaching is hard work. Preaching every week for 29 years takes a special kind of weird. 

18. If you give me Fresh flowers I will cry. 

19. It took me a long time to learn how to tie my shoes. 

20. Sing in a choir. 

21. For women only: get measured for a bra. Don’t try to do it alone. A good bra is worth every dollar

22. End every phone call with the people who means the most to you with , “I love you.”

23. Go to the dentist regularly. Putting off dental care is expensive and it will not get any less painful with time. 

24. Find a mentor. Develop a relationship. Ask for advice. 

25. Cultivate curiosity. 

26. Do something that scares you once in a while. 
More to come. 

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Repost:  Permission to Mourn-Choosing to Heal

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Tom Zuba writes:

In order to heal you must MOURN.

You must push all of your grief up and out.

Contrary to the old way of doing grief –denying, suppressing and stuffing your feelings and emotions – you must find ways to express, feel and release all of the emotions that are bubbling up inside of you.

In addition, if you are committed to doing grief a NEW WAY, you must actively pursue your healing. Time alone will not and does not heal … it’s what you decide to do with that time that matters.  That determines if you will heal … or not.

I am offering five concrete things you can do to heal.  Pick one … just one … and commit to doing it every day for the next week.

Here are the five options:

1. Write in a Journal every day. Write about what you are feeling, thinking, doing, hoping for, fearful of and/or dreaming of. Start somewhere and let it flow. See what comes up and out. Fill one page every day with written words. This is a concrete way to mourn.

2. Spend 15-20 minutes a day in silence. Just you … and you. And listen. Listen to your breath, your heart beating, the birds singing, God whispering to you. Light a candle, savor a cup of tea, doodle, treat yourself to a warm bath, meditate. The objective is to slow down and reconnect to you.

3. Commit to crying. Say yes to crying. Allow yourself to cry … every day. And remind yourself that when you cry – you are healing.

4. Start a Gratitude Journal. Look for things throughout the day to be grateful for. Write down 3-5 things every day that you are thankful for. Do this every day. This exercise alone has the power to change your life.

5. Rebuild your broken body. Walk outside every day for the next week. Decide to eat better. Drink 8 glasses of water. Exercise. Practice yoga. Attend a Zumba class. Add just one of these things to your daily activities. Practice nourishing your body.

6. If there’s something else you’d like to add to this list that will help you heal … add it. You know best what you need to to do to heal.

As I said … the goal is to add one thing – one thing – to your day for the next week with the intention, goal, purpose of healing.

Begin exactly where you are.  Today.

If not now … when?

Permission to Mourn

Shelly writes: I’ve been reading this book with an unusual amount of fervor.  It has spoken volumes to me in the 38 days since my Dad’s death.  This book and my bossy friends have been working on my soul.  I don’t know that there is such a thing as a grief intervention but I believe this is exactly what my friends did for me.  I have received the blessing of my church, my District Superintendent and Bishop to spend the next 30 or so days on renewal leave.  I am disengaging from church life during this time and spending some time applying some of these five practices to renew and rebuilt.  I’m giving myself permission to give my attention to my grief.  I’ll be back to church life around October 6.  Blessings.  The time is now.

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Hello Monday

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My Monday’s usually included a phone call from Dad with a voicemail that said, “This is your former banker.  Are you available for lunch today to discuss a matter of importance?”  Austin’s Bar and Grill offers half price burgers on Monday.  Over the last several years I have had many “former banker meetings” with Mom and Dad.  Today I cherish every one of those meetings, lunches and conversations.  When I was in college my Dad would sign a card with the words, “Love, Your Banker.”  One of my early goals after graduation was to graduate Dad to former banker status.  

Dad’s accident was on a Monday four weeks ago around the time we would usually gathered for lunch so around noon is a tough time for me these days.

 If anyone wants to distract me on Monday’s around noon I am available to be distracted.  Job requirements:  the ability to make me laugh, stories about your favorite pet which confirms the humanity of our four legged children and the willingness to eat pretty good hamburgers.  Apply within.  

I’m discovering that it is important to create new rituals and traditions in the midst of grief.  It is valuable to note the old tradition and to acknowledge the transition from one way of doing things to the beginning of a new approach.  The acknowledgement honors the past and helps me to frame my grief.

 If anyone reading this is in a time of grief, how are you traversing this undiscovered country?