Unknown's avatar

I no longer want to pray….

by

I no longer want to pray…..for the victims of mass shootings.  I want the mass shooting to stop happening in such a regular interval that I am only shocked for a moment when the news flashes across my social media feed.  I have a similar reaction every time.  I want to see the location of the shooting and then I quickly scan my memory for anyone I might know in that area to make sure “my people” are safe.  It’s a very self-centered response but it is the moment that everyone of us has when faced with these events.  We need to start praying that there are no more victims and pressuring our leaders to change the potential for these events.  

prayers-for-oregon-candles-1210x620-fill

Unknown's avatar

Monday’s are hard

by

Monday morning is not my favorite moment in any week. I still have a bit of an emotional hangover from Sunday’s sermon and I’m not quite ready to face the week to comes pressing challenges. So I move slow on Monday. Extra time with my caffeine consumption. A few more moments of play time with the dog. More wasted moments on social media to reconnect with the world and then I am ready face the week. Almost.  What’s your Monday rituals for getting motivated on Monday?

Unknown's avatar

A Terrible Time

by

Have you ever felt like you are drowning in sorrow, unmet expectations and helplessness?  The terrible feeling that comes from the life circumstances all around you.   As a pastor I am often a spectator/participant in the arena of human suffering.  I stand by the side of those in the midst of terrible times and try to offer a safe place for the one in the midst of the storm  to express feelings, thoughts and silence as they face a terrible time. This role is taught to seminarians and tested through the day-to-day life of a parish pastor.  I’m better at it than I used to be in the early days of ministry.

This week has tested my capacity for standing by the side of the suffering.  An unexpected death of a mother with a teenager, the person who had a medical procedure take a turn to the worse and now lays in the Critical Care Unit, a young mother who’s been in remission with Stage 4 breast cancer learns the cancer is back and a beautiful girl with cancer which will not stop growing have pushed me hard emotionally and spiritually.  I don’t have any answers for the question which comes to all of us at these times, “Why?”  I mostly have questions, lots of questions.

I grow weary of those who try to offer empty promises to those who are suffering, like: “God has a plan”, or “God will never give you more than you can handle”, or “God needed another angel”, or my least favorite phrase, “God only gives these trials to the strongest disciple.”  I unequivocally reject this understanding of God.  Unless we are worshiping a deity with mental health issues and enjoys the suffering of others, even when it is for their own good, these phrases cannot represent a healthy understanding of God’s presence in the world.

So today I’d like to offer a few words of caution and a few alternative phrases for helping friends and family who are going through a time of suffering.

1.  Do not offer stories of the miracle someone else had who faced this disease.

2.  Do not tell a story about someone who has it worse than the person who is suffering.

3.  Do not assume the person who is suffering has the same theological understanding of the world and of God.

4.  Do not tell stories of a family member who had a similar condition and how they “rose above” the circumstances.    When my son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of three, we were devastated and exhausted from learning all about the rigors of his care and his future.  Well meaning people told me horrific stories of elderly family members who did not take very good care of their diabetes and the consequences of this care.  Blindness, amputation and dialysis.  These stories only deepened my constant fear and anxiety about my son’s future.

So what can we say or do?  These ideas are from the American Cancer Society.

  • Offer your support.
  • Be a good listener.
  • Watch for cues that can let you know they want to talk about their circumstances.. If they don’t want to talk, respect it. (But continue to watch for and follow cues.)
  • Do the same things together you used to before the current circumstances, if you can. Most people want to be treated the same as always, but check with them about how they feel and don’t press to do anything they don’t feel up to doing.
  • Try to be OK with silence. Sometimes the person just needs a little time to focus her thoughts. Constantly talking because you are nervous can be irritating. A period of silence can allow someone the chance to express more thoughts and feelings.
  • Touching, smiling, and warm looks are important ways to communicate also. Remember to use them.
  • Try to maintain eye contact to demonstrate you are fully present and listening carefully.

Ultimately, in the face of unfortunate circumstances we have to admit that there is very little we can do to change the health circumstances of another.  We can pray, make casseroles, organize fundraisers, run errands and visit.  These are not small things. We need to connect with each other and be reminded of our humanity.  These words help me, I hope they help you.

28 “Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

A song by Meredith Andrews for meditation and sustenance.

I’m not drowning but many are feeling overwhelmed in my life, so let’s give each other some love and grace.

Unknown's avatar

Turning Twenty Six

by

My daughter turned 26 this year. I was 26 when I gave birth to her. So I’m exactly twice the age of Sarah now. I recently began a sentence to her like this, “When I was your age I was having babies.” After I said it out loud I felt terrible and ashamed.  How often I use my life as a measuring stick for my adult children’s life is a problem.

I was proud of my own accomplishments at twenty six and felt a bit of smugness about my degrees and successes as I compared them to my own mother. Why is there is an eternal need to compare ourselves against another? All of my family systems training screams out in the last sentence, so I’ll say it this way: Why do I feel the need to compare myself with others? (For the record, my mother was a trailblazer and worked hard all of my life. She was one of the first working mother’s that I knew in my circle of friends. She taught me so much about balancing work and home. She gave so much to herself to her family. I hope to one day be the kind of woman that she is now.)

Each generation has unique struggles. I’m still trying to figure out how to be a parent to my adult children.

That's how you look in the middle of the night when they take your picture at the hospital

That’s how you look in the middle of the night when they take your picture at the hospital

I thought it was hard when she was this small, but I’ve discovered that newborns are mostly a marathon against exhaustion. The parenting game as my child becomes an adult requires me to step back and to shut up. My words and advice are not needed, unless requested. My role is to encourage and affirm, mostly.

I am convinced that every age of parent is the hardest one because each age is new to that particular child and to that parent with the child. It’s a lifetime of work.

Unknown's avatar

On Dying and Rebirth

by

I always cry on All Saints Day.  The candle light, the ringing bell and the reading of the names of the members of the church where I serve just rolls over my tough “‘get it done” attitude and I cry.  You see, when I am the Pastor helping a family at the time of death I have to keep my emotions in check.  I keep my eye on the horizon rather than down at the specifics of death.  I know the family needs my strength and my vulnerability to help them through the days of dying and death.  I may weep a bit with the family but my feelings are a controlled boil, rather than an overflowing, bubbling mess.  As soon as a funeral or memorial service is over my eye is still focused on the horizon of doing the needful things which have been delayed during the bereavement process.  So my grief is often delayed until later, but most of the time later never comes.  Grieving isn’t always convenient and it certainly does not make appointments.

So on All Saints Day, as I read the seven names of our dearly departed, I wept.  It probably was not visible to my congregation, but I felt each name inside my heart.  The longer I am blessed to serve this congregation the harder these moments become.  Yet, I know, in the hardness is also the blessing.  The chance to walk beside families in time of death and dying is sacred work.  

The harder work of a pastor is after the funeral and after all the family of the deceased have returned home.  The remaining family who experienced the death so near have on going grief and mourning to do–this is the hardest work of all.  So I close with my favorite line of this hymn–“For all the saints who from their labors rest.”

Unknown's avatar

A Day in the Life

by
wall art

wall art

This is the wall art across from my desk. As a pastor I receive many lovely gifts and religious artifacts. The top picture is a panoramic taken by one of the FOGY’s at church. It makes the building look huge. It is not huge, but I must admit this little building is the most active church I have ever had the privilege to serve. The middle right picture was given to me three years ago when I co-lead the confirmation class with Mike Pearce. This was a great group of kids. Every now and then one of the confirmands wanders into my office and looks at the picture. The commentary runs from “how awful I look”, to “I remember what you said about the three kinds of grace.” I love that picture. To the left center is a crocheted cross a lovely church member picked up at a yard sale. She brought it into me and said, “When I saw this, I thought of you.” It is one of my favorites. At the bottom of this setting is a wall hanging done by a former member of a church in Atlantic Iowa. My little wall of art and pictures is a good reminder that church work is about people, relationships, forming young lives and love. What a blessing to work with all of these.

Unknown's avatar

Church Rescue

by

During my recent recovery from surgery I have had a chance to watch some television. My DVR is full of episodes of my favorite shows. In surfing the channels one day I came across a show called, Bar Rescue. The concept of the show is a business intervention makeover, only the process is done on bars. I spent an entire day watching “Bar Rescue”.

At first I was turned off by how much the host of the show, Jon Taffer, gets in the face of the owners and yells at the bar owners about their habits. The longer I watched the show the more I understood why he used such an abrasive approach. When people get in comfortable ruts they do not want to get out of that rut. I’m convinced we actually like ruts, even when our ruts aren’t bringing us the results we want in life.

In my 26 years of ministry in the local church I’ve found that we open prefer our ruts to change. Maybe we need to begin a show called “Church Rescue”, where hard hitting church savers come into the local church and force people to change. How would we feel if there were more coffee hour with only talking to your favorite people, no more sitting in your favorite pew or chair and no more of your favorite songs or programming? I imagine we would not be very happy.

A smart lay leader once told me that ruts are really burial plots in disguise. Ouch. I hope I’m not serving a rutted church or a place that’s becoming a burial plot. I actually believe we are working as hard and as smart as we can to serve the people in the little corner of the world.

Unknown's avatar

Proofreading is not my spiritual gift

by

If you’ve read any of my postings you already know this much about me–I’m a terrible proofreader. I look over a sentence two or three times and I don’t see any problem in the sentence structure or the spelling and i suddenly hit my favorite button, “Publish Post”. It feels so good to publish, send or submit a text to an empty cloud somewhere. I was an average student in high school, college and seminary. It never failed that my papers in high school scored very high on thoughts and content and low on proofreading and spelling. (Please keep in mind that I wen to school back before spell-check. Every misspelled word was my own creation.)

I am a lazy writer but a well planned preacher. So as I try to blog more and recover from surgery I’m trying to slow down. Going slower always felt like moving backwards to me. I like to keep moving through life and only slow down for diet Coke and chats with my friends.

So my current recovery is causing me to slow way down. I had this same super grey on my left knee two years ago and it went super well. This time is much different and my recovery is much slower. So like my lack of attention to proof readings and my slow recovery I am taking myself out of the driver’s set and letting my experts tell me what my schedule is for the coming weeks, I’m trying to let go and sit back. Spend more time proof reading and more attention to detail in my writing. Good night from MMM

Unknown's avatar

Day 19

by

I’ve decided to blog or post a picture everyday for a month as part of my desire to begin some new disciplines in my life. I cannot promise that everyday will be interesting to the eight people who read this, but if I can reach 25% I’ll be content.

I’m 18 days post operative on my knee and life is getting easier. Breaking in a new knee is like breaking in shoes that are a size to small. The muscles, ligaments and tendons which surround the new knee have endured a major assault from the surgery so they are very sore. There’s also the fact that the old knee caused the tissues around it to compensate for the knee’s weakness. Consequently, the knee is stiff. It feels odd under my skin and the thigh muscles are weak from walking around with my worn out knee.

I begin out patient physical therapy today and I know it will be painful. The last time my therapist would lie tome regularly during the workout with the encouraging words, “Just one more.” This is short hand for in physical therapist language for “One more set of 10 repetitions.” Even if when I thought I had broken the secret code of the physical therapist she would Change the meeting of the instruction.

Two years ago when I had my left knee replaced there was a prisoner from the county jail in his orange jumpsuit who was on the same therapy schedule that I was on. He had an injured shoulder. A deputy would stand next to him while he worked out with the therapist. I wondered in my less coherent moment what kind of kind of crime he committed deserved this severe of a punishment. I also worried that if I didn’t complete my exercises if the deputy would use his sidearm on me. It made for a comical scene the deputy, the inmate and all of the half recuperated knee patients icing down their still joints at the end of our therapy session.

Here is today’s quote picture of Ginger. I’ll soon be buying her a wardrobe of clothes if I spend anymore time with her. Be well.

20130715-135410.jpg